Next page 18- More Rambling and Musings 
More pig stuff and some plain old whining.
Now I know what they were talking about. All those e-mails and reports I'd read about the chest and rib pain after heart surgery. For the first week and a half I'm thinking to myself, "Hey this ain't so bad, I'm a little sore, but it's not unbearable." But no! It was not to last. Since last Thursday night I have been shown the real truth. The truth. The truth that my body is not a happy camper. You can't just go in and have your chest sawed open and ribs stretched apart without paying the inevitable consequences. Pain. Unbelievable, piercing, searing, jolting and just generally aching pain. All around. Front, back and sides. My rib cage has got da blues. It's hard to describe any better. I've never experienced anything like this before.
So yesterday, with only one Percoset left, I reluctantly asked Dory to drive me back downtown to the doc's office to get a repeat prescription. I tried to get it over the phone but the pharmacist said, "it's a narcotic, I need a written script". Dr. Marlow not being in, I saw Dr. Lake in his office who checked me out and said that I was looking pretty good considering. He told me not to be reluctant to take the pain pills if I needed them. That's what they're for. He signed me up for another 50 pills. Well, I've been taking them. And they don't seem to be doing much other than slightly dulling the sharp jabbing attacks and spasms. I guess I just have to wait it out. Just like everyone else does. It's disappointing since the first week went so well, I'd hoped to be further along by now. They weren't kidding when they said it would be a six to eight week recovery period. It is hard to walk and while I had a good outdoor walk to the neighbourhood plaza and back yesterday, I've done nothing today. I'm not proud. I just couldn't care today. This e-mail sort of sums it all up:
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1998 23:57:58 -0500
From: P Aultman <[email protected]>
Glad to hear all has gone well. I have read, with interest,
your recovery accounts and have found them to be similar to
my own. I found doing bent over rows with a broom handle
helped strengthen and stretch my chest and back muscles and
relieved the pain early in my recovery. Ten times or so in
the morning and again in the evening was enough.
Now for the bad news -you never do wake up knowing the meaning of life
or anything really profound. I have discovered that some
days I'd just rather sit and do nothing. I was never one to
use a day planner but now I hardly plan anything at all.
Everything out side of work is spur of the moment. That way
I can do nothing and not feel guilty. Doing nothing is
defined as doing what most people would consider a waste of
time-sitting alone outside, or in the dark-walking without a
real destinations-watching The Price is Right etc. Since you
have music to indulge in I'm sure you'll have no trouble
tolling away hours.
Take care
Paul
From: "John Lamond" <[email protected]>
Subject: Heart Surgery.
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 19:36:30
I read your pages and it brought back many funny moments and thoughts,
love the writing style, and the sense of humour. What a great idea to journalise the event.
I had By-Pass surgery some four years ago and have enjoyed great health
ever since. My problem was hereditary, cholesterol etc.. My father died
at 52 and I almost lost it at 51 to a sneaky heart attack.
The Canadian system sounds very much like our own. Not enough money, but
enough dedicated people to make it all work
As I said loved your story and long may you and family enjoy life and a
good red wine.
John Lamond, New Zealand
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 09:11:44 -0500
From: Duncan Fremlin <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Living in the Present - Bum Ticker Update # 16
No Steve. I haven't had enough of this. I'm genuinely touched by your
incredible journey and I'm following your progress with great interest.
You're sending an important message to us all and I've forwarded your
page to a number of friends for them to ponder.
Keep 'em coming....
Duncan
Subject: Re: boink?
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 08:35:30
pig dog
From: "Jerry Waese"
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 08:36:47
sometimes referred to as pig god or great pig.
From: "Jerry Waese"
Subject: pink porc providing persistence in persons of positive persuasion
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1998 15:19:04
Now I'm thinking of baconbitstreaming to flavour things
Having a much better day. The pain is still there but much less sharp even without the pills. This a relief. Went for another good walk to the plaza and back. Picked up some of Scooter and Bailey's favourite biscuits from the pet food store and two movies from Blockbuster. Today is American thanksgiving so there won't be much on TV tonight except football. Yuk.
Received this interesting e-mail today:
From: [email protected]
Date: Wed, 25 Nov 1998 20:43:49 EST
Subject: Hi Steve!
I for one am really enjoying your continual updates. I will be following
right in your shoes and so am learning a lot about "reality." I just had my
heart cath and remembered your story and that it wasn't a pleasant experience.
Most are telling me "no problem" or "you'll do fine"! Phooey!! It was
horrible! The drugs almost knocked me out totally so I didn't get to see too
much, but the pain at the groin site was excruciating! Especially when they
put in the collagen plug afterwards. THEN, it started bleeding badly before
leaving the operating room (people yelling "hemer, hemer"!) so there were
enough hands pressing down on the already sore site so it felt like a Mack
truck standing on my leg. Ended up having to stay for a couple of hours
longer! Then the next night I got a fever and had to go back to be a pin
cushion again! Fortunately the results were no more nor no less than
expected, except for the sore and bruised leg. Even after years of eating my
mother's wonderful fried chicken and gravy, the arteries were clear. But the
valve is only functioning at 25%. Doctor said not an emergency, but after the
holidays, I need to start making plans. Eck!! My poor husband just about
freaked over the whole thing. I think he thought he had it all figured out,
but found he was totally out of any control. Oh well, once I am past this
trauma, I can think more clearly about "The Big One." It was traumatic for me
as I am never sick and have only been in the hospital in recorded memory to
have a baby by C-section. And that happens so fast you don't have time to
think!
I'm sure I have been one of those pesky critters (oink?) who has said I will
keep you in my prayers. Suffice it to say, I am an Episcopalian and we pray
for everyone. Even if you don't happen to believe in God, per se, just
remember that He still believes in you. I've been around the block with
religion myself, and my husband is Jewish, so I understand where you are.
I have a couple of questions about your recovery process. One is rather
profound. I remember Peter saying in his story how he felt better even
through the pain and was amazed by that. What about you? Do you actually
feel better in spite of the rigors of healing? Is breathing only hampered by
pain, or is it shorter than before? If you are planning some gigs, then you
must see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am asking as my doctor tells
me I will feel much better afterwards. The truth is I don't feel all that bad
now. I get winded easily and tired, but the creep has been so insidious and
slow as to be mostly unnoticeable, if you know what I mean. I realize long
term damage could be caused creating really bad problems later in life, but
I'm still not able to get a handle on "feel better" as it relates to the
present. What can you tell me?
Well, I know you have other stuff to do. I truly enjoy your writing and look
forward each installment! And, yes, I will continue to send positive energy
your way in the form of prayer! For you and Dory! Hey, whatever works!
Thanks, Susan
Part of my response to Susan was;
>I have a couple of questions about your recovery process. One is rather
>profound. I remember Peter saying in his story how he felt better even
>through the pain and was amazed by that. What about you?
I'm like you, I really had no symptoms beforehand and I felt fine. OK so I
got tired and looked tired all the time. But I was out of shape. Kept
irregular sleep habits - so this was to be expected. It's funny , I've
never been a dancer, but once or twice a year, when my wife would coax me,
guilt me, into dancing with her, I could barely make it thru the song. I'd
be so winded.
The truth is, so far I do not feel better. I feel too shitty to feel
better. It presently really hurts to breath deep as my ribs have been in
trauma the last few days. (more than during the first week home.) But I do
believe that when all is healed, I will have more stamina. Any hey, I also
won't have the aneurism that was going to burst and make a very big mess all
over the floors and walls.
Date: Wed, 25 Nov 1998 22:07:21 -0500
From: Errol <[email protected]>
Subject: Hi Steve
Its Errol
I just found your page after my mother told me about it.
Sorry to hear about the ordeal. I intend to read it all tonight. It is
interesting how medical and developmental events change us as people. I
know I have made some decisions that I could not imagine me making only
a few years ago.
Your mother and mine had a long conversation tonight. I was bumped off
the line with call waiting. I guess the old people still like each other.
You have created a valuable document. I wonder if the Heart Foundation
knows about it.
You have a lot of great people around you.
Keep well, and I mean it.
errol
Response From: "Steve Goldberger" <[email protected]>
To: "Errol" <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, 26 Nov 1998 11:27:18 -0500
This is so great. It is so nice to hear from so many cousins and family
members thru all of this. The net is great for bringing people together.
I'm glad that you enjoyed reading my thing. I know that everyone has their
own shit to go thru as life goes on and as you said, these life experiences
do affect one's way of thinking. I think for the better as we learn what is
really important in life.
Your folks have been really supportive in this especially since Jack and I
had a similar problem. So he was able to give me comfort and confidence
beforehand. I was also moved by the fact that he came down to the hospital
for the surgery. He said, " I didn't have to see you - I just had to be
there." He's an amazing man and I believe we've always had a very strong
bond. I feel lucky to have gotten to know him, having worked together with him all
those years, and sharing our great love of music.
Anyway I hope you and yours are all well and that we can keep in touch.
Regards,
Steve "Living in the Present" G.
Kevan O'Connor in Niagara-On-The-Lake e-mailed some photos to me that he took of the Bum Ticker Band playing at his barn dance
the week before my surgery. To see the band shot click here.
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